Judy, Kenny and The Laws by Ray Cates
In the boy scout law version the laws are one word laws like: ‘Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly…’ I think boys just say laws to be saying something. I ponder each of our girl laws. I’m not doing too well at keeping ours, but I’m not as bad as a filthy, lustful boy. We girls may lust as much, but we don’t outwardly show it. No boy ever slapped me for feeling his rear-end. I’ve turned some heads with my vicious slaps.
So let me do my evaluation of the laws. I do it once a year, it’s always on my ‘DO GOALS LIST’.
A GIRL SCOUTS HONOR IS TO BE TRUSTED
Well that’s hard because I lost that certain ‘honor’ at age eleven under the pier at Rlodo Beach to Kenny Smathers. They say it doesn’t grow back, but maybe it ends up being an honor if Kenny grows up to be President Kenneth Smathers. If I think good thoughts for him, and what he will become, and if I do that over and over, then maybe he will succeed, maybe.
He is now 13 and president of the 8th grade class, 700 members, voters strong. Mr Smathers is a Panama City Florida City Council member. Yeah, United States President would get my honor back, and I made Kenny use a rubber – he had to steal it from Grove Village Pharmacy. They don’t sell important things to boys age 13 with a Central Middle School ID.
At first Kenny said, “You go in Judy, tell them your buying a box for your dad.” I just stood there till he got back with the container holding 144.
We only used one. Sometimes girls can talk to boys with one stern look, and boys get the whole message. I can almost control Kenny that way. I’ve seen my mother’s looks, and studied them. Mother’s good.
Law number 2 is: A GIRL SCOUT IS LOYAL.’
Well I was loyal to Kenny for one whole year, until I found out he had ‘honored’ Mary Kinder. She’s not as pretty as me. She’s not a girl scout, but I hope she didn’t give Kenny a nasty disease. It could hurt his campaign, they dig up every bit of dirt when you run for office. My father said that.
I might someday run for something if Hillary makes it somehow. I’m too young now, but the fact is there are more of us than of THEM, and girls live longer. Once we went to St. Pete Florida, and it is poppin full of old women, very few men. See!
The third scout law is lame, weak and needs clarification: A GIRL SCOUTS DUTY IS TO BE USEFUL AND HELP OTHERS
The boys don’t have a stupid law like that, and mothers don’t make them work in the kitchen. I guess that onetime I was useful and helped Kenny – 2 years ago. But I don’t let anyone cheat on my tests! No matter how much help they need, my foot is smacked down on that one!
The fourth law is: ‘A GIRL SCOUT IS A FRIEND TO ALL AND A SISTER TO EVERY OTHER SCOUT.’
At least Mary Kinder is not a scout, so I don’t have to be her sister, and I guess that since Mary is not my enemy then she’s a sort of maybe friend? That may be a rationalization. Mrs Summers my Sunday School teacher explained that word. I hear Mary has to go get treatments for whatever disease she has. I hope Kenny was wearing a rubber that time. He had a large box, minus one that was used. I should have thrown the others away in the surf. I don’t think that he would steal one to do Mary. Lots of girls like him, but he just picked Mary because of her easy reputation. Maybe a brain tumor made her easy?”
Number five is a ‘slam dunk’: A GIRL SCOUT IS COURTEOUS.
Even when I slugged Tammy Raines, after she pushed me hard in gym, well I helped her up and said, “sorry Tammy I have a temper.” She didn’t say anything, now that was not courteous, but she had a black eye. That was the exception, mostly I’m into, ‘Yes sir,’ and ‘No sir’. I try to always be nice to people and people are nice to me. Everyone tells me how pretty I am. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be ugly?
I remember six, it’s like five an easy one, ‘A GIRL SCOUT IS A FRIEND TO ANIMALS’.
Every decent human being should love their dog or cat. Now snakes and lizards are loathsome reptiles and should be stomped to death. God if another boy puts a lizard or frog down my dress he will be a stomped reptile! Enough is enough! Nice girls can only take so much of that foolery! I love Rech my collie, and I pray to God not to punish me for not feeding my love birds — and for starving them to death, and before that my painted turtles. If praying will help me avoid hell, well I do it, I was stupid then, now I’m better and think of others, I pray for the small little dead things.
If I chose which law to remove from the laws, it would be number seven, ‘A GIRL SCOUT OBEYS ORDERS’.
Now that is a dumb one, dumb, dumb, dumb bunny. Maybe it could be changed to, ‘A girl scout obeys orders from people who are supposed to give her orders.’ Am I supposed to obey a wineo in the park? Do I obey Kenny and do the ‘Down and Dirty Deed’, (DDD) without a rubber? I think NOT!
The 8th law is really me, ‘A girl scout is cheerful.’ I’m a cheerleader and that’s about as cheerful as you can get. I also see the bright side of even a piece of black mud. I am Miss Cheer. I am cheerful at the proper time that ladies are supposed to cheer. I don’t cheer at funerals. I don’t even want to go to them, they are downers. I hate funerals. I like things that are light and airy. I like flowers, and not the cut ones, the ones that are growing in the dirt. Life is cheer, and that’s not the soap powder.
Nine I have a problem with, ‘A GIRL SCOUT IS THRIFTY’, I think money is made to be spent. I would rather have new shoes than my clothes weighed down with money. My compromise is to save my allowance and spend using my mother’s credit card. I do spend too much on the credit card, but my parents are so forgiving. I always claim to have needed the junk I bought — I lie often and about nothing important — maybe I’ll improve.
Ten is impossible! It tries to control what you think,’A GIRL SCOUT IS CLEAN IN THOUGHT AND DEED.’
What girl can think about good-looking boys and not think about, wonder about how big the boys instrument is behind his zipper? I watch basketball to observe the bulge in boys pants. Girls talk about sex all the time. I guess we use better words than boys, but sex is the subject. Boys are more straightforward than girls. I did pick the very best boy around ot do the deed with, but in my evaluation I fail law ten. Maybe when I lost honor I also lost all clean thoughts? Really I like my unclean thoughts — better I think to think them than to keep doing it. That’s another rationalization for Sunday School, but it’s not ladylike to talk about my thoughts there.
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A link to many of my other stories is at the end of the story ‘Teeth’ at http://unsightlyteeth.wordpress.com
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